A trend in social media is to post messages about getting “toxic” people out your life. Examples include, “When the wrong people leave your life, the right things start to happen.” Or, “Don’t be afraid to burn a few bridges in order to stop the drama from following you.” And, “Toxic people will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate. Fumigate.”
Presumably it’s well-intentioned and, admittedly, there is some overlap with what Paul wrote to the Corinthians that “bad company ruins good morals” (1 Cor. 15:33). In the same letter he also wrote, “Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened” (1 Cor. 5:6-7). Each speaks to the importance of separating oneself from others for godly purposes. However, the reasons provided in the context of those verses involve temptation to sin. In the former it is a warning not to be around drunkards and gluttons that want you to sin with them. In the latter he goes on to explain that they should not “associate with sexually immoral people.” To be sure, Christians should be discriminating about who gets their time and attention.
That said, I don’t think the “get rid of toxic people” advice is aimed at eliminating sources of temptation. Instead it encourages people to get away from anyone that might criticize them. In other words, if they’re bringing you down, they’ve got to go. Is that biblical counsel? Should Christians make an effort to distance themselves from critics? Consider King David’s response when he was experiencing God’s hand of judgment. He and his entourage were making the “march of shame” out of Jerusalem after his own son had usurped his throne. In one of the cities David passed through, a hater began to hurl both insults and stones at him, an action that elicited a strong response by the king’s companions.
Then Abishai the son of Zeruiah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and take off his head.” But the king said, “What have I to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the LORD has said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who then shall say, ‘Why have you done so?’” And David said to Abishai and to all his servants, “Behold, my own son seeks my life; how much more now may this Benjaminite! Leave him alone, and let him curse, for the LORD has told him to. It may be that the LORD will look on the wrong done to me, and that the LORD will repay me with good for his cursing today.” So David and his men went on the road, while Shimei went along on the hillside opposite him and cursed as he went and threw stones at him and flung dust. (2 Sam. 16:9–13)
David’s reaction to public slander was not to eliminate the toxic person from his life by unleashing his loyal followers. On the contrary, in humility he restrained those that would oppose his critic, and even suggested that the faultfinder may be a tool of God! When have you received that kind of advice in the face of criticism? Have you ever given that advice? Probably not. It demonstrated David’s complete reliance on God at that moment. If there was a payback to be had, David left it to the Divine Judge to sort out when he said, “It may be that the Lord will look on the wrong done to me, and that the Lord will repay me with the good for his cursing today.”
That is an entirely unnatural way to view a heckler. When insulted, our flesh wants to insult in return. When criticized, we are tempted to angrily defend ourselves. But here is an example of a much better way to handle the toxic people in your life. Despite being hurt, choose not to lash out by cutting them out of your life. Demonstrate restraint by choosing not to gossip about it to your loyal followers. Instead, consider how God may be using this person in your life to bring greater glory to Himself and to grow you in your faith. Take it to the Lord in prayer, remembering that His defense is a perfectly righteous one!
For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. (1 Pet. 2:21–23)