You probably know this, but Thanksgiving is one week away. For many people it is a week of eager anticipation, but for others it can be the cause of intense anxiety stemming from strained family relationships. I don’t know who gets the credit, but the guy was spot on that said, “Ain’t no drama like family drama.” The current President, money owed to dad, how your brother parents his kids, why your sister doesn’t have any, vaccines and masks are just a few of the topics that can instantly ignite emotions and derail conversations.
How can we be truly loving and peaceable to family members with whom we hold such contradictory views? First, particularly with Christians, the maintenance of long-distance relationships with extended family is important. We shouldn’t seal ourselves off from those that we don’t see frequently. In 1 Corinthians 16:19-21 Paul writes, “The churches in the province of Asia send you greetings. Aquila and Priscilla greet you warmly in the Lord, and so does the church that meets at their house. All the brothers here send you greetings. Greet one another with a holy kiss. I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand.” Paul took pains to extend greetings to those distant from each other. Note the personal tone that is used, the personal information that is included and the personal affection that is encouraged. Paul is investing in the maintenance and improvement of relationships between two separated church bodies.
Second, Paul explicitly directs two people within the family of God to resolve their differences. In Philippians 4:2 he writes, “I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord.” Paul is not trying to make peace with someone else, he is trying to facilitate peace between two others. He did not shrug off the disagreement with a “not my problem” attitude. We do not know what was at issue and it does not appear that he took a side. Instead, he used his position of authority and respect within the family to encourage godly reconciliation.
Lastly, consider 1 Timothy 3:2-4 regarding the qualifications of an elder:
Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive.
God has provided a list of about a dozen things that serve as minimum qualifications for those that serve in a leadership position within the church. Over half of them have a connection to maintaining and building relationships with others. (That includes all the “others,” not just Christians). While these are specific to the role of church officers, they are descriptors that every Christian should strive to model.
In light of that, could your conduct among your extended family be described with words like self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, gentle and not quarrelsome? To the degree that you have influence over your family (i.e., children and grandchildren), do you manage your family well, teaching them to model this same kind of godly behavior? When you’re with your extended family, what would an outside observer see in your actions and hear in your words and tone?
In your preparation for the upcoming holiday, consider praying through and meditating on the following Scripture each day leading up to it. With the assistance of the Holy Spirit you can keep the overarching purpose in view—to glorify God through Jesus Christ.
The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen (1 Peter 4:7-11).