The Pew Research Center recently published an article entitled “Almost half of Americans say people have gotten ruder since the COVID-19 pandemic.” It claims that 47 percent of people surveyed are convinced of this, with 20 percent categorizing public behavior as “a lot ruder.” The article narrowed the categories of rudeness to smoking around other people, taking someone’s photo without asking, bringing a child to something for adults, wearing T-shirts with swear words, cursing out loud and a few more.
From your own observations I suspect you could easily contribute a few more categories to their list. While rudeness takes many shapes, it comes down to being inconsiderate of others. It is behavior that puts oneself first. It is the opposite of kindness and, as one of the nine “fruits of the Spirit,” the Bible has a lot to say about it.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Col. 3:12-13)
Notice the characteristics that kindness is couched in—compassion, humility, meekness, patience and forgiveness. They all share the principle of self-sacrifice. Ephesians 4:32 describes it in a similar way where it says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Real kindness isn’t just the absence of rudeness or even being a sweet person. It involves sacrifice. It’s easy to be kind to those that are kind to you. Sacrificing yourself for those that sacrifice themselves for you is, well, not much of a sacrifice. Kindness involves being sacrificial when the other person doesn’t deserve it. Notice how closely kindness is connected to forgiveness. Forgiveness is only necessary when you’ve been wronged, and Christians are being told that they need to be kind by being “tenderhearted” and “forgiving.” Kindness sacrifices one’s claim to being offended.
When you have been done wrong are you tenderhearted? Are you able to show compassion and patience toward the guilty party or is it important to you to “send a message”? Do you hold on to grudges or are you quick to let them go? Do you the offenses become leverage or are you a willing forgiver? Are you more likely to give someone the silent treatment or silently treat him with charity?
Another topic the Bible connects to kindness is finances. According to Jesus, when it comes to loving one’s enemies, there is an unexpected connection between your willingness to be kind and your money.
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. (Lk. 6:35)
You should not give begrudgingly. In fact, you should be kind even when the person you helped was ungrateful for it. Sacrificing the gratitude owed to you for the kindness you already showed is next-level kindness! It’s biblical kindness.
Do you struggle to part with your money, possessions or time? No? Perhaps you give, but reluctantly, with an expectation to get something in return. Not that either? Maybe you give freely, with no strings attached, except for the expectation that you’ll receive acknowledgement for the kindness. Ask yourself if there is any way in which you hold kindness hostage? If others have to earn it in some way, it isn’t kindness, it’s a transaction.
The Parable of the Good Samaritan is an illustration of kindness infused with sacrifice. The Samaritan sacrificed his reputation, time and money by showing tenderhearted compassion on a man that could not repay him. And there is no indication that the Samaritan was thanked for it. It’s about this form of kindness that Jesus said, “You go, and do likewise.”
Has the world gotten ruder? Maybe, but God’s command to be kind has not changed. A ruder society may make kindness more difficult, but how much sweeter does it make that spiritual fruit? Be a quick forgiver and an uninhibited giver. Choose to be self-sacrificially kind.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. (Ps. 145:17)