“Patrol” is often referred to as the “backbone of policing” because it’s the foundational role of the job. In the Patrol Division, each officer is assigned a geographic “beat,” for which he or she is responsible. When a beat has more calls-for-service coming in than that officer can handle, those from neighboring beats are dispatched to pick up the slack.
When I was on Patrol, a fellow officer in my squad had a reputation for taking longer than most to resolve his calls. He was neither inexperienced nor lazy, just exceedingly thorough. Because of his frequent unavailability, other officers were forced to “cover his beat” more than they believed was necessary. Of course, that added up to gossip and complaints.
At the end of a shift the two of us were quietly completing our paperwork when he turned, looked me in the eye and asked, “Do you think I take too much time on calls?” He put me on the spot, and for a moment I was tempted to weasel out of it with a disingenuous “Not at all.” Instead, I complimented how systematic he was but then acknowledged that he did, in fact, take an inordinate amount of time to clear a call. Disheartened, he paused to digest my comments, then replied with sincerity, “Thank you for being honest.”
I’ve replayed that experience in my mind many times, not because of my answer, but because of his response. He was seeking candid feedback and when he received it, despite the sting, he expressed gratitude. That is a hard thing to do.
What is your response to a legitimate critique? In biblical language, how do you respond to godly reproof? Do others fear confronting you on even small issues? Do you instinctively deny the allegation or feel the urge to lash back? Conversely, do you crumble at the slightest exhortation by tearing up or going silent? Do you use anger or tears to avoid criticism altogether?
Distancing (or hardening) yourself from evaluation undermines healthy relationships. It’s difficult enough to give honest feedback, but how much harder is it when the other person won’t receive it? Our natural reaction is to be defensive, but the Bible has some strong words for those that are utterly unapproachable.
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. (Prov. 12:1)
Ouch! Proverbs 5:11–13 continues the strong commentary about those that live a life of unapproachability. “And at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh is consumed, and you say, ‘How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors.’”
Short-term avoidance of conflict comes at great cost in the long run! It is the painful price of a life of regret. On the contrary, reproof is a gift. Hebrews 12:5-6 says, “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.” Confrontation is an integral component of love, which is why the Bible says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27:6).
Conversations like these involve a mixture of courage and humility on both sides. Do you have the courage to humbly confront others? Do you have the humility to courageously accept criticism? I am humbled every time I recall my friend graciously accepting a critique. Are you able to thank a brother or sister in the same way? Can you thank God for the gift of confrontational love?
When Matthew 18 outlines the process of dealing with conflict, it includes the goal. In the NASB Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” That’s how you win in relationships! Approaching others and being approachable honors the Lord and restores peace.
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (Jas. 3:17–18)