One thing I’ve learned from participating in endurance events is that physical exhaustion over long periods can strip away the societal filters that are a normal part of daily life. While laboring through the desert or toiling up a miles-long mountain trail, I’ve found my mind replaying past incidents where I felt I was wronged. The seeds of self-pity begin to grow and, unfortunately, sometimes produce sinful fruit. At those moments, my patience wears thin, and (to use Ephesians 4:29 language) I did not build others up or give grace to those who heard me. In truth, I’ve had to ask others for forgiveness more than once for my attitude.
I recently learned the term “alpine divorce,” which describes this situation. For example, a couple goes on a hike together, and as they progress, one of them becomes impatient with the slower person’s pace. The faster one becomes so irritable and resentful that he (yes, it’s always a “he”) leaves her behind. The experience of being abandoned is so distressing that it permanently ends the relationship.
I imagine that in many of those cases, the word “love” had been used prior to the outdoor adventure. However, the Bible’s definition of love exposes the problem.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4–7)
“Alpine divorce” is the result of impatience and unkindness. It’s rude, insists on its own way and certainly involves irritation and resentment. Moreover, the couple clearly didn’t bear, believe, hope and endure all things. It reflects a lack of love in nearly every way.
Maybe you can’t relate to abandoning someone in the wilderness, but isn’t life an endurance event? Like life, people often start enthusiastically at the trailhead, only to find themselves exhausted and frustrated as the miles pass, the trail gets steeper and they are disappointingly confronted by one false summit after another. You don’t need to sign up for an endurance race to understand what it’s like to violate nearly every aspect of biblical love when the going gets tough.
Instead of becoming discouraged, remember that, according to Psalm 103, God is a compassionate Father to His children. He knows your frame, and He remembers that you are dust. He knows your situation and your inclination to be unloving in it. In fact, the Bible reframes the Christian’s attitude toward both.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you. (2 Cor. 4:7–12)
Do you understand what that is saying? The crushing affliction that has left you perplexed, the persecution that has struck you down and the fact that you may have even been given over to death, are for Jesus’ sake so that you might display Christ in it. Talk about flipping the script! You need not despair because you have not been forsaken, nor are you destroyed. That means you can take another step toward the summit, knowing it may, temporarily, be another false one.
Thank the Lord that He knows your situation and your inclination. Repent of unloving responses and ask Him to help you view them as opportunities to manifest Christ.
And those who know Your name put their trust in You, for You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. (Ps. 9:10)