In 1862 the Coleraine Chronicle was the first to publish the catchphrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” The expression certainly has had staying power as parents continue to teach it to their children today, but is that a biblical sentiment? Consider the case of Doeg the Edomite.
It started with an exchange between David and his best friend, King Saul’s son. The friend warned David to flee because his father was intent on killing him. David escaped to Nob where, exhausted and hungry, he asked the priest, Ahimelech, for some food and a sword. Due to his familiarity with David, he did not hesitate to give David everything he asked for. The priest was unaware David was on the run from the king. And what neither of them knew was that a guy named Doeg the Edomite witnessed the whole thing.
Later, Doeg was near King Saul while he was raving about wanting to kill David. Seizing an opportunity self-promotion, Doeg told the king what he had witnessed in Nob. Despite the priest’s innocence, the king summoned Ahimelech, charged him with conspiracy and had him executed. What’s more, 85 others associated with the house of God were also murdered along with many others from Nob.
In a sense, this account undermines the “sticks and stones” expression. After all, the words of Doeg really did do much harm. Dozens were murdered because of his selfish desire to gain the approval of a wicked king. However, David recounts the events from a godly perspective in Psalm 52, which begins “A maskil of David, when Doeg, the Edomite, came and told Saul, ‘David has come to the house of Ahimelech.’” In it, David pulls no punches about Doeg’s destructive use of words.
Why do you boast of evil, O mighty man? Your tongue plots destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit. You love evil more than good and lying more than speaking what is right. You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue. (Ps. 52:1–4)
Nothing that David wrote was inaccurate. Doeg’s speech was self-serving and delivered with deceit. Based on the Matthew 12:34 principle that “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,” David could appropriately surmise that Doeg loved evil more than good and lying more than speaking what is right. Doeg knew the brutal response his treacherous words would elicit from King Saul, and he used them.
Has this happened to you? Have you been gossiped about? Have you been illegitimately characterized? Have words been weaponized against you, perhaps resulting in great harm to you and others? Consider the two perspectives expressed in the psalm in response to that kind of treatment.
First, David acknowledges that the actions will not go unaddressed. He uses striking language to describe how God will hold them to account, such as, “But God will break you down forever; He will snatch and tear you from you tent; He will uproot you from the land of the living” (Ps. 52:5). As you know, harmful words can cut particularly deep, but you, like David, must rely on God to vindicate you. Do not take matters into your own hands.
Second, David recalls his standing with God, the One that knows the truth. David declares, “But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever. I will thank You forever, because You have done it. I will wait for Your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly” (Ps. 52:8-9).
When David focuses on his identity in God instead of the ones formulated by the words of man, he receives the assurance of peace. He is able to do the hardest thing of all—to wait for the Lord.
Is it true that “words will never hurt me”? No, but the principle of the sticks and stones jingle that you don’t need to be crippled by the unkind words of others is! Even when they result in deep, lasting injury, those words don’t define you. God knows and He will act. In Him is steadfast love and cause for thankfulness. Wait for His name instead of worrying so much about your own.