A recent cliché is to describe someone as being “present.” I first heard it when, with a furrowed brow and deliberate expression of sincerity, a sports TV anchor praised an athlete she had interviewed by characterizing him as “present.” To me it was silly to compliment him for physically sitting across from her, but I later learned that being present was a maxim used to describe someone that “lives in the moment” or is “grounded with what is currently happening.” In this case an athlete was recognized for being fully engaged with the interviewer.
What the commentator seems to have appreciated was that her subject was a good conversationalist, which makes sense. Everyone enjoys talking to one of those. In fact, the art of it is so highly valued that there are dozens of books on how to become a better one. Tips include asking open-ended questions, making eye contact, practicing active-listening skills and presenting body language that communicates that you’re approachable. All are worthwhile habits when your goal is to make others feel valued (aka be viewed as present).
Notwithstanding, have you ever given thought to improving your skill as a Christian conversationalist? The Bible weighs in on this topic more than you might have realized. The overarching principles are found in Ephesians 4:29 and Colossians 4:6. The former prohibits the Christian from talking about anything that does not build others up or impart grace to the one listening. The latter reminds believers that they are always to use language that is “seasoned with salt so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” That is to say that your speech should promote purity and not sin.
A person could make a wholehearted, lifelong commitment to these two endeavors and never exercise them perfectly, yet the Bible has more to say on the topic. If you want to engage others in meaningful, God-honoring discussion then this is what it looks like. First, do more listening than talking. Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. The godly conversationalist doesn’t consistently speak over the top of others or demand to be heard at another’s expense. He is more interested in listening than being listened to. This is a tangible way to uphold the principle of giving preference to others.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. (Rom. 12:10)
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3–4)
Second, the Christian conversationalist does not gossip, but uses the dialogue to join in the life experience of the other person. In other words, instead of using the discussion to express her opinion about how someone should be, she appropriately senses and meets the needs of others.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. (Rom. 12:14–17)
Lastly, the Christian conversationalist motivates others to look to the Lord in thankfulness. He does not complain, but uses his influence to raise the spirit of others by helping them to raise their eyes to God with gratitude.
The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (Prov. 16:23–24)
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Col. 3:16–17)
Do these habits describe your manner of speech? Do your conversations build others up and promote purity? Are you an exceptional listener that engages others where they are and that directs them toward gratefulness to God? Make the commitment to talk less about yourself. Decide not to impose your personal opinions on others or complain about God’s providence. Choose to be the kind of Christian conversationalist that leaves others thinking more of God than of you once you’re no longer “present.”
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. (Rom. 14:19)